Many of you have followed my journey, with prior knowledge, you have known I was always about school, family, and balance. However, this Fall, I left home for med school and couldn't take my family (especially Meriam) with me due to serious COVID-19 restrictions and quarantine orders. By far, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. The first three weeks of school, I was emotionally drained. I missed home. I was severely sunburned. I was having a difficult time adjusting to EVERYTHING. I had a routine at home. And I had to remake a new routine without my child. Talk about adjustments. I was not used to that.
Eventually, I realized I had to get my act together and remember WHY am I doing this. In October, I strived in my academics. Solely focused on my schoolwork and I've made a few close friends. But I have learned that I was still feeling very empty inside. As the semester neared its end, I realized I needed to change and add things that would make me happy. Obviously, my family and home made me happy. I need to remember to live. Life is very short. No way, I want to be the parent that wasn't in their child's life. I want to be that mom that would always smile so her child remembers a 'happy' parent. I want to make an effort to show up often. I decided to still focus on school, but I have to make time for my daughter. I am going to physically visit her. Every month for a week, I am going to buy an airplane ticket and come home. This is my way of stepping out the academic world into a normal life that I craved for. My Spanish neighbor and his wife, Jose and Selene, said "No puedes quedarte fuera de casa, no??" (My Spanish is getting better). I just smiled and laughed it off. No matter how warm and nice the weather is in the South, nothing beats the beauty of the seasons changing.
I had so much fun during winter break lol. I am TRYING to potty train my child. I learned that I have to be patient with potty training. We went shopping at Tyson's, ate at Maggiano's, and I saw SNOW!!!! I love the snow! We played in the snow for a little bit. It was so cold outside. Nonetheless, I loved it. It beats the beaches 24/7. I am a girl that loves change. I have a full blown-threenager folks!!! You thought the terrible twos were bad lol. Or maybe, I gave birth to a prima-donna. I've spent a lot of time with my family. We had game night with my cousins and for NYE, it was a full house of family, food, and toddlers! I made so many good memories. Meriam is trying to learn to play video games too lol.
I quickly realized that having a three month gap was not beneficial for both of us. I want to make an effort to see Meriam's smile and watch her grow. I am thriving in school but I need to strive in finding the right balance. Knowing how strong-willed I am, I will. I am a girl with a no bullshit attitude lol. A true hustler!
As the new semester is around the corner, I am prepping my bags once again. It never gets easy leaving home. It just gets harder every time. Becoming a doctor will give Meriam and I a better future. A future we both deserve. InshAllah, my hard-work will pay off. My determination is set in concrete. I am writing my goals for 2022. I have already started my lectures for the new semester and my schedule looks scary! Classes back to back along with labs. I have a lot to achieve this year and by the grace of God, I will push myself forward. Always a hustler in nature and lover by heart.
My advice for the upcoming and new med-students, remember to make times for the things you love! Either put it in a planner or an iCal. Self-care is important to maintain a healthy mind, body, and soul. It is always a good idea to set goals and push yourself to the limit. You can be surprised how much a human body and mind can achieve. Remember to take each day as an opportunity and a clean slate. Therefore, you must take a step back and live! Tomorrow is always another day!
Love Always, Ash x0x0x0
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